Megan's Blah Blah Blahg

There are many things that my children know. They know how to read, they know how to pray, they know how to do their chores, etc. But, there are just as many things that I assume my children know without ever making sure that my assumption is correct. The next few blogs are my ramblings about the importance of the “Unknown Things” in our children’s lives.

The first is this: don’t assume your children know you like them. Yes, my children know, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that I love them, however, do they know that I like them? Do my children know that if I had the choice, I would choose them to be my friend? In Titus 2:4, older women are instructed to encourage the younger women to love their husbands and children. The word translated “love” is the word philandros and it is a word that by definition means, “to befriend.” In other words, friendship with our children doesn’t always come naturally, in fact, sometimes it takes hard work and according to this passage it is something we must take the time to learn.

How do we befriend our children? When I am developing a new friendship with a woman I take the time to ask her questions and listen to her responses. I make time to spend enjoying activities together. I find out what pleases her and I try to surprise her with gifts and notes. Sometimes, friendship means that I have to share hard truths, but because I care for my friend, those hard truths are shared in love. These are the same steps we should take to build friendship with our children. As our friendship with our children grows, we will naturally like them more and more. And, as an added blessing, they’ll like us more as well!

Because we’re family, our children naturally assume that we love them. However, they spend many of their days surrounded by friends who come from homes that lack a basis of family friendship. Don’t allow this paradigm to be true in your home. Yes, it is important to tell your children that you love them, but repeating, over and over, your “like” for them and the truth that given the option, you would choose them to be your friends, builds security and a strong family identity. The security and family identity will provide a safeguard when they feel unlikable or rejected by others.

Don’t be like the elderly farmer who stated to his wife, “I told you I loved you when I married you, I’ll let you know if anything changes!” Instead, say it with words, say it with notes, say it with gifts, and say it with silly songs. Repeat it over and over and don’t rest until You Know, that They Know….”I Like You!”

Don’t you love the Christmas season? I know I do! From the Christmas music, to the decorated tree, to homemade sugar cookies, all of our holiday traditions bring joy and excitement to my heart. However, for me, sometimes Christmas becomes one of the most hurried and stressful times of the year, as well. How do we keep the focus of Christmas on Christ? How do we enjoy all of our favorite traditions without destroying our family relationships in the process? These are the questions I’ve been pondering lately.
         As I’ve thought about these questions, the Lord continually reminds me of Mary and Martha. We all know their story, Mary who chose to sit at the feet of her Savior and Martha who was worried and busy about so many things. I must confess, I am much more of a Martha, than a Mary, and Christmas has the potential to bring out my most Martha-like tendencies. Perhaps, you see yourself in Martha, as well. Do you find yourself hurried and short-tempered in the midst of trying to facilitate sweet holiday memories? Let me share some of the things that I’ve been considering in hopes that they will encourage your heart also.
 
         First, what is your goal in your holiday preparations? If you asked me that question, I would certainly respond that I want our celebration to focus on Christ and on the gift of the Savior. However, often my activities don’t fit my goal. My desire is to have the process involved in preparing our celebrations be the foundation of our Christmas, but instead, I find myself focused on the end goal of a perfectly presented holiday. Whether it be decorating, baking, or fellowshipping with others, when I focus on perfection, we lose the blessing of celebration.
         For many years, I had a tattered card on the side of my fridge, where only I could see it. The card had three simple words: Blessing or Impressing? One glance at the greasy, tattered card reminded me to keep my focus on what was truly important…blessing others. When my goal becomes perfection, the truth of the matter is this, I want to impress others, not bless others. Impressing others feeds my pride. “Doesn’t she decorate beautifully?” “Aren’t her cookies lovely?”  “She throws the best parties!” Impressing builds me up, but at the same time, it firmly pushes Christ out of the picture. Blessing, on the other hand, makes sure that everyone is comfortable, feels welcome, and senses the presence of the Lord in our home. Impressing may earn me the praise of men, but blessing brings joy to my Father. What is it for you? Blessing or Impressing?
         Scripture makes it clear that Mary chose the best thing-time with her Savior. Time with the Savior is what will keep my heart like Mary’s, even as I complete the work of a Martha. Remember, it wasn’t that Martha was doing the wrong things; it was her attitude. She had lost the joy of serving because she became so entwined in the tasks that she forgot to enjoy fellowship with Christ. There is nothing wrong with baking cookies, decorating trees, or opening my home to friends, it’s my attitude and focus in the process that get me into trouble. If I’m faithful, every day, to spend time in Scripture, in prayer, and in fellowship with the Lord, my heart can stay close to the Savior, even in the midst of cooking, decorating, and party celebrations. The key for me is faithfulness. How’s your faithfulness, today?
         Finally, remembering the importance of relationships will help us to have a merry heart in the midst of our Martha duties. Holidays will come and go. Decorations will fade. Cookies will crumble and become stale. However, relationships with our family and friends will continue long after our celebrations are over. Focusing on serving, encouraging, and giving to those we love will keep us others-oriented and will ensure a merry Martha heart.
         Blessings to you this Christmas! May your Martha-Activities flow from a Mary-Heart! Megan

We’ve had a great summer and I hope you have as well. This summer was a busy time of weeks at camp, exploring Boston, baseball games, ice cream cones, vacation at the beach, star-gazing, collecting frogs, visiting the aquarium, and so much more! It was a delight to pour myself into making our summer a special and memorable time for the children and for Steve and I. But, now summer is over and we are headed back into the normalcy of everyday life at the Scheibners; schoolwork, music lessons, swim team, meal planning, and daily chores. Nothing very exciting in that list; or is there?

God has been impressing on my heart for the past few weeks that I need to pour myself into the normal days with just as much excitement and excellence as I expend on our “special” days. The truth is, every day that the Lord gives me has the opportunity to be a special and fruitful day in my children’s lives and in my life as well. Every day, whether action-packed or just spent doing the necessary, provides me with a multitude of opportunities to influence my children to become more like Christ in their attitudes and actions. Honestly, every day, whether action-packed or spent doing the necessary provides ME with a multitude of opportunities to become more like Christ. Every day is an exciting day when I change my perspective on what makes for a special day.

I Corinthians 10:31 tells us; “Whether then, you eat or drink or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God.” For me this means; whether your exploring the city or doing the dishes or listening to someone practice the piano or reading aloud….do it all to the glory of God. This verse reminds me that God is not only aware, but also intimately involved and  intent on the outcomes of all that I do. The most humdrum activity can provide me with the opportunity to instill an important character lesson in one of my children’s lives. A boring rainy day can provide the quiet time needed to investigate the source of questionable attitudes I see emerging in our home. A busy day of errands, spent running from here to there, can give me the chance to show my family what patience, kindness, long-suffering, and a self-controlled tongue look like in action.

A field trip to the aquarium is exciting. A child who is learning to love others more than they love themselves is eternal! When I embrace the everyday, Every Day becomes special. As we head into fall and days that are more scheduled than spontaneous, my prayer for all of us is that we would seize the opportunity that each day holds and find joy and excitement in the spiritual growth and fruit that those “everyday” days produce, in both our lives and our children’s lives. May God bless your efforts to embrace the everyday!!

Proverbs 16:20-24

He who gives attention to the Word shall find good,

And blessed is he who trusts in the Lord.

The wise in heart will be called discerning,

And sweetness of speech increases persuasiveness.

Understanding is a fountain of life to him who has it,

But the discipline of fools is folly.

The heart of the wise teaches his mouth,

And adds persuasiveness to his lips.

Pleasant words are a honeycomb,

Sweet to the soul and healing to the bones.

Lately, I have been meditating on and committing to memory this portion of scripture. As I studied the passage over and over, God began to impress on my heart a troubling question. I sensed the Spirit asking me, “Do you believe the Word of God?” Of course, my immediate answer to that question would be YES! I love the Word and love spending time immersed in reading, studying, and applying God’s principles to my life. But, as I considered this passage of scripture, I had to admit that in this area of my life, I tend to think that I know just a bit more than God. Let me explain what I mean.

Verse 21 states clearly that sweetness of speech increases persuasiveness. I don’t know about you, but there are so many areas of life that I desire my children to be persuaded about. I want them to be persuaded about the plan of salvation. I want them to be persuaded about living a life of righteousness, I want them to be persuaded that God’s Word contains all that they need to live a God-honoring life. I want them to be persuaded that bad company will corrupt their good morals. I want them to be persuaded that sin separates them from their God. The list could go on and on. My desire to see my children persuaded in these areas is not the problem. The problem is the method I use to get there.

As the beginning of verse 21 so clearly points out, it is “sweetness of speech” that will add the necessary persuasiveness to my communication. I read those words, I know that God’s word is true, but honestly, sometimes I live as though sweetness could never persuade my children. Instead, I resort to harsh, accusatory, or even angry words. My actions show that I believe that “my way” is an alternative route to achieve persuasiveness in my children’s lives. Even though the Word of God reminds me that the anger of man will never achieve God’s purposes, I, too often, resort to lecturing and bullying to force my point of view on my children’s lives.

I’m thankful for God’s conviction in this area! I want to be characterized by verses 23-24, a woman with a wise heart that is teaching my mouth and pleasant words that bring sweetness and healing to my children. I know that I am not alone in this struggle to communicate in a Godly manner with my children. Will you allow me to share some of what the Lord has shown me in this area?

Moms, evaluate what external factors can cause you to be harsh, angry, or even just unpleasant in your communication. For me, late nights, running behind schedule, a disorderly home, and unresolved conflict are right at the top of the list. We must proactively make the necessary changes to order our lives in such a way that the Spirit of God, not the circumstances of life direct our speech and communication.

Secondly, we must recognize that when we allow ourselves the freedom to speak in ways that are destructive, we are in sin. We can’t just move on and hope that no one noticed! The Biblical mandate is to seek forgiveness and get right with those we have wronged; whether those wronged are our husbands, children, parents, or simply friends. Honestly, asking forgiveness of our children will be some of the sweetest and most persuasive teaching we can give them.

My prayer for myself, and for you as well, is that we would learn to hate our unsweet, unpersuasive, ungodly communication. Will you join me in praying for God’s hand of conviction in our lives and for the discipline to give attention to the Word so that we can become wise of heart and then finally, that we would develop discernment so that we are sweetly able to Biblically persuade those we love?

I just watched as my third daughter, Molly, was wheeled away on a hospital gurney. After months of dealing with a complicated health issue, finally, she will find relief through surgery. So away she wheels and here I sit. And wait, and wait, and wait.

I wish I was the one being wheeled down the hall! My mother’s heart would much prefer to deal with the pain and discomfort involved in this surgery, rather than watching my “little girl” go through such an ordeal. But, that is not how God would have it. His plan, in His wisdom, is growth through pain for Molly and growth through waiting for me.

So much of this journey of Motherhood has involved waiting. I waited, (impatiently, I might add) for the births of all of my children. I waited, (again impatiently) for the day they would accept Christ as their personal Savior. I waited, and many times, still wait, for the acknowledgement of sin in their lives and the subsequent repentance and growth. I’ve waited for them to arrive home late at night. I’ve waited for them to reach goals and milestones. I’ve waited to see the choices they would make and the outcome of those choices. Obviously, God has a plan for my life in all of this waiting. A plan that He wants me to embrace, but a plan that too often, I impatiently avoid.

Allow me to share the beginnings of what God has been teaching me through all of this waiting.

1. Isaiah 40:31 “Those that wait on the Lord will gain new strength. The will mount up with wings like eagles, they will run and not get tired, they will walk and not become weary.” This is my desire! I want to gain new strength to please God daily and especially to please Him in my parenting. It is waiting that perfects this process in my life. Lord, teach me to wait!

2. God loves these children even more than I can imagine. I LOVE my kids, but God loves them more. I can trust that He is working all of the trials, decisions, hard times, and choices in their lives for His glory and their good. Romans 8:28 reminds me of this promise. Lord, help me to remember Your promises!

3. The last chapter in my children’s life is written by God; not by me. When I impatiently try to rush a conclusion or push an agenda, I am interfering on Holy Ground. It is God alone that knows His plan for my children. Philippians 1:6 reminds me that God will patiently carry on His good work in my children’s lives. Lord, teach me to trust You!

I must wait, remember, and trust. So here I sit…learning to wait with patience, knowing that the promises that God has for my children are the same promises He has for my own growth and good. I guess the waiting is worth it after all!

Praying for you, as I pray for me, that our waiting would not be in vain, but instead, would grow and perfect us in Christlikeness.

Megan

The Beauty of NO
Saturday, February 5, 2011 at 11:55AM

I hate to say NO! I would much rather be the mommy that always can fulfill my children’s every desire and wish. Being the bearer of the word NO, stinks. I know this, I wonder if my children know how hard the NO answer is for me to issue to them. Somehow, I doubt it…

One of my favorite books is The Five Love Languages, by Gary Chapman. In this book, Chapman outlines the five ways that people give and receive love. These “languages” are: service, physical touch and closeness, words of encouragement, quality time, and gift giving. Although the love languages are not found in the Bible, the concept and application of the languages is certainly consistent with a Biblical worldview. My two predominant love languages are words of encouragement and gift giving. My husband’s love language is physical touch and closeness-my least dominant-but that’s for another blog!

Gift giving and words of encouragement are not helpful when it comes time to tell my children, NO. I find it so difficult to share words of correction, which ultimately feel like words of discouragement. By the same token, when they have something they really desire or are disappointed over a broken or lost possession, my natural inclination is to want to buy them a gift to fulfill that desire or disappointment. On the surface, perhaps that doesn’t seem like such a bad idea, but the fruit of constantly giving in to my natural inclinations can have long term, bad-habit forming affects in their lives.

The truth is this, not all news can be good news. There are times, as the God-appointed guardian of these children, that I must spend time teaching and exhorting them. When they are involved in sinful activities (i.e. quarreling, coveting, laziness, etc.) or drawn to sinful appetites (i.e. video game overuse, poor quality music, ungodly friendships) it is my responsibility to be the bearer of bad news. The bad news is this…”you are headed down a bad road and we must take the necessary steps to bring about repentance and change in your life.” I can assure you, my children are never excited to have this type of headline in the news of their day! When I try to soften the blow, or take away the sting, I am in essence, doing God a favor. My children need to feel the sting of rebuke in their lives to learn the consequences of sin. How much better to learn that lesson now, in the safety of their home and family, rather than face devastating consequences later.

But, how about the gift giving. I must admit, this is an even more difficult struggle for me. I, too often, give in to the urge to buy something new or replace a lost possession, without stopping to consider the consequences. What I have observed in my children’s lives is that this behavior on my part is building a lack of thankfulness and contentment in their hearts. Especially when it comes to lost or broken possessions, the assurance that Mom will just buy a new one is training my children to be slothful consumers, instead of careful stewards. Having to wait to earn a desired item, or going without because they weren’t careful with what they had, is a much more important lesson than the lesson that mom just can’t say NO.

As always, these lessons aren’t just for my children, God wants to teach me as well. As I watch my children struggle with correction and rebuke, I must ask myself a hard question, “How do I handle rebuke in my own life?” Whether the rebuke comes straight from God, through the Holy Spirit or the Word, or whether the rebuke comes from my husband, do I graciously accept the bad news and make the necessary changes to correct my shameful headlines? Or, do I stubbornly rationalize my own sinful choices and appetites? How do I handle NO? Just as I must be careful to say the appropriate NO at the appropriate time in my children’s lives, I must tell myself NO for the same character building reasons. God wants me to learn thankfulness, contentment, and good stewardship.

Yes, NO stinks, but sometimes it’s the only road to growth and change. Remember, today’s NO is building character for the future, for both you and your children.

God bless, Megan

I’ve spent time, recently, observing a friend of mine as she has been preparing to send her third son off to Army boot camp. This mom, and her husband, have worked diligently to raise young men who are responsible, conscientious, diligent, hardworking, and self-confident, leaders. She has poured her time, energy, and heart into preparing them to face any challenge that life can throw at them and now she must step back and allow them to face those challenges, head-on. I’ve watched, via her facebook posts, the continual struggle in her mother’s heart as she swings between pride in their choices and concern for their well-being. However, through it all, I have been thrilled to see her encourage them to be the best that they can be, without the burden of a clinging, fearful mother. Her strength of character has helped to produce young men with the strongest strength of character, themselves.

On the other side of the equation, it seems that I am meeting more and more mothers with a different agenda. Mothers who will go to battle for their children over what seems to me to be insignificant and minor difficulties. I watched a mother pull her son out of the final All-Star baseball game of the season, simply because he had to sit the bench for an inning, allowing another boy the opportunity to play. I’ve listened to teacher friends share the tongue lashings they receive from mothers who are unhappy with their children’s grades, regardless of the poor quality of their children’s work. I have observed mothers berating other children because they felt their child was being left out. All of these incidents are rich soil for moral and character training, but these mothers were robbing their children of the opportunity to learn. Instead, the lesson imparted was a lesson of entitlement, a lesson that these children are the center of the world and should be treated with that importance in mind.

These observations beg an important question? What lessons am I, what lessons are you, teaching our children? Do I allow them to experience failure, frustration, and even loneliness? Or, do I feel the need to jump in and insulate them from the very lessons that will provide the needed growth and character development in their lives? May it never be! Lord, help me to step back and resist the urge to circumvent the circumstances that You have allowed in my child’s life; circumstances that will mold and make them into character champions, for You.

So, Bravo Diane, (and Fran, of course) and Godspeed Adam and Micah and Eric. May your character and personal purity provide a hedge of protection around your lives and may your testimony win others to your Lord.

Megan