Steve's Blog

Good Morning all… I just read an article in USA Today titled “Young Adults Less Devoted to Faith”. The stats in this article were alarming. The study targeted 18-29 year olds. The study revealed that 18-29 year olds are leaving the church and not returning. 72% of the 1200 surveyed said they considered themselves more spiritual than religious. In other words, they are interested in all things mystic, but nothing that is specific or might require something in return like a relationship with Jesus. This group is what we call Postmodern.

The postmodern mindset likes God, but not Jesus. They like the warm fuzzy that spirituality gives them, but not the hard realities that sometimes accompany relationships. The postmodern young adult was sheltered by mom and dad who were afraid that if they failed at school or sports or relationships they would become psychologically damaged. So, mom and dad intervened at school, and with the coach, and in relationships to ensure that life was fair for junior… the result?… Adults who run from anything that might be hard or challenging. A relationship with God through Jesus Christ is full of trials and tribulations.

Parents should let their children work through difficulties by taking them to the Word of God, instead of the lawyers office. The Bible will show young children how to elevate virtues above feelings and how to love (put the other guy first) their neighbor as themselves, even when their neighbor is not particularly lovable. After all, what virtue is there in loving someone who is lovable? The real challenge is to love those who are not lovable.

So, what is the answer to the problem of young adults dropping out?… I think the answer is found when they are young children. Postmodern parents have created a generation of self absorbed, thin-skinned, relationship phobic, young adults. My advise is to let them fail. Life is characterized by more failures, than successes, and the lessons learned from rebounding from a failure are far better, than the non-lesson that is delivered when mom swoops in to save the day.

Finally, teach your children to serve in the church!!! Drop a sports activity or a music lesson or the latest (quasi-spiritual) martial arts craze and replace that time with a meaningful, unpleasant, dirty job, in the church, like cleaning the toilets, or weeding the grounds, or scrubbing the refrigerator etc… I guarantee you, your child will grow to take OWNERSHIP of his or her church and therefore, his/her relationship with Jesus as a result. Let me know what you think and if you can suggest any other dirty jobs in the church.

Our children are important and it breaks my heart to see so many leave the church when the solution to keeping them is so simple. That’s all for now… Steve

Blogging is a funny thing in the sense that you have to be in the mood to do it or you just draw a blank every time you try to force a thought to emerge. With that in mind, I took a few months off do to lack of inspiration, but now I’m back and ready to share some parenting encouragement with you all.

I ran into a nice lady the other day who attended one of our Parenting Matters conferences some years ago and she had a question for me. She asked, “what do you do with your children when their prayers are superficial and repetitive?” She was frustrated with the quality of her children’s prayers. She said, they always pray for the same stuff i.e. having fun today or their pet hamster or some new thing that they want, but the prayers are rarely about others or anything about the Lord.

My counsel to her was this… teach into the issue with the kids at a time of non-conflict. An hour before prayer time ask them what they intend to pray about today and at that time give some gentle instruction regarding the direction and depth of their prayers. also, take some time to take them to the scriptures (think Psalms) and show them what deeper prayers look like. Additionally, she needed to manage her expectations regarding the children’s prayers. If you never instruct them in what a proper prayer looks like you can expect them to always pray for the stuff they want and little else.

Try this next time:

-Have each child pray for the person next to them instead of themselves.

-Create a basket with family prayer requests written on a piece of paper. Have each person draw a request randomly and pray for that request for the week.

-Have each chid make a list of all the things they are thankful for and pray over that list. Do the same with Adoration of God and Confession of Sin.

We should take the time to teach our children to Adore God, Confess sin, Thank God for his blessings, and finally, ask for Stuff. Instructing them before the prayer time begins will help them to succeed and help you to manage that upset that you feel each time their prayers repeat the same old thing they prayed the last time.

Pre-activity in this area will help us manage our expectations and bring glory to God through our children’s prayers. Let me know what you think.

In Christ,

Steve

How many times have you found yourself in the middle of a lengthy lecture? Lecturing is the easiest trap to fall into. As parents, we almost feel compelled to launch into a thorough explanation of what junior has done wrong. The problem comes when junior tunes us out after the first sentence or two and sometimes juniors disinterest in our long diatribe makes us even madder, resulting in an additional lecture.
Lecturing robs our children of self-respect. Long lectures are humiliating and belittling and they should be avoided at all costs.
If you have attended a Parenting Matters conference you have heard Megan and I discuss the alternative to lecturing, that is, the simple five to nine word statement (period). Get it said and get out.
For example, if junior is caught in a lie simply say, ” Lying is wrong, you must always tell the truth.” You don’t need to go into the history of lying or the history of what happens to liars etc. Just keep it simple and junior will get the message.

Imagine growing up in a home where ALL you ever heard was, “Lying is wrong, you must always tell the truth.” What would you grow up to believe?… Um, lying is wrong, I must always tell the truth? You got it… And so will they! Keep it simple and give the lecture the boot.

Warmest regards,
Dr. Steve

I heard a wonderful sermon this Sunday on the subject of thanksgiving. Unlike the usual Sunday before Thanksgiving messages I have heard in the past, this one caught my attention in a new and life changing way.

The Pastor took us to Romans chapter one to look at verses 18-28. This is a passage that I have preached before, and I have heard preached many times before. However, today was different. As you know, Romans 1:18-28 reads like a horror story of what is to come for those who are not followers of Christ. The unrepentant, are eventually given over to a depraved mind in verse 28 yet, is it the unrepentant that are given over or is it all who behave in an ungodly, unrighteous manner, that verse 18 reminds us, are those who suppress the truth. Surely, this passage is describing the unbeliever, but does it exclude the believer? I have seen many believers act in ungodly, unrighteous, impure, and foolish ways. In fact, for those of you who have attended a Parenting Matters conference you will recall the lesson I teach on the Growth Continuum. Each of us is designed by God to be obedient. Obedience grows into Responsibility and Responsibility grows into Ownership. But, if we allow Disobedience, which eventually becomes Irresponsibility, we can expect to become Entitled. It is the entitlement mentality that rules and reigns in our current American culture. The permissive parenting mentality, that has beguiled so many Christian parents, has lead to full blown entitlement in their children. Entitled children are missing thanksgiving.

If you allow your child to get whatever he/she wants, without an attitude of gratitude, you will end up with an entitled child.

Thanksgiving is absolutely essential for proper growth in Christ.

Romans 6:23 reminds us, that the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our lord… this ought to inspire gratitude in us.

Are you thankful for Jesus? Are you thankful for the Cross? Are you thankful for your job? Your Spouse? Your Pastor? Your Church? Your Kids? How do they know? When was the last time you told any of the people in your life you were thankful for them?

So what does this have to do with Romans 1:18-28? Look at verse 21… “For even though they knew God (sound like a believer?), they did not honor Him as God, or give thanks; but they became futile in their speculations, and their foolish heart was darkened.” The horror story of Romans 1:18-28 starts with missing thanksgiving. If you do not give God the thanks that He is due, you will start down that slippery slope of Romans 1 and you may just end up being given over to a depraved mind. My hope and prayer for you this Thanksgiving is that you, or your children, aren’t missing thanksgiving.

In Christ,
Steve